things i learned from students

Et cetera is way classier than “etc.”

“And so on” is just a lame substitute for et cetera. Use “and so on and so forth” when you know LOTS of other things that you’re not telling.

Adding -ly to things ALWAYS makes you sound smarter.  First?  No, no. Firstly.  Thus? Psshhh, only for suckers. ThuslyAs a result? Get real. Resultantly.

“Per se”? Nope, it’s per say.  (Damn, and all these years I thought it was Latin.)

Only conformist jackasses use the words everyone else uses. Be creative! The thesaurus is your friend. Real life examples (I can’t make this shit up):
– We don’t just (give) love, we administer love.
– We don’t graduate college, we culminate from college.
– Clearly from a seasoned pro: Style must also be equivalent to coherence with the additive of aesthetic appeal.

Using multiple pronoun types demonstrates linguistic prowess.
– Good: Each individual should decide for themselves what he/she finds best.
– Better: One should decide for themselves what he/she finds best.
– Best: Oneself should decide for themselves what he/she finds best.
– Superlatively skilled: It’s important to be your own person even if one’s true self doesn’t fit in with what his/her friend themselves are doing. (It took me an embarrassingly long time to compose this sentence.)

Proofreading? Only if you’re a complete. fucking. tool.

Also, bonus fun fact: Turns out, Jews are Christians. (Man, this kid needs to spread the word!)

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